Choosing to Forgive

One of life’s biggest challenges is learning to forgive someone who has wronged us. Forgiveness often entangles us in a web of turbulent emotions, leaving us hesitant or resistant to let go of our pain. And, adding to this complexity, is the realization that so many of us are unsure of what forgiveness truly means. Therefore, we may choose not to forgive.

But what is forgiveness? It is defined as the profound act of releasing a wrongdoer and choosing not to dwell on their actions in future interactions. A more straightforward definition states, “Forgiveness treats a wrongdoer better than they deserve.”

Thankfully, the Bible guides us in navigating this complicated terrain. In his letter to the Colossians, addressed to the Christians in Colossae, Asia Minor, Apostle Paul states plainly: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13). This verse makes it very clear — forgiveness is not optional for us as Christ followers; it's a command, even when we face deep betrayal or hurt. As Christians, we don't have the right to choose not to forgive when we've been wronged or harmed.

The Bible also helps us delve deeper into this topic by providing three Absolute Truths that can help us better understand forgiveness and navigate life's inevitable conflicts and grievances that we have with others.

Absolute Truth #1: Make Allowances for Other’s Faults

Forgiveness calls us to make allowances for other’s faults. As believers, forgiveness involves extending grace even when it is undeserved, a concept often overlooked in the heat of the moment.

Jesus teaches us in Luke 6:27-29: “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them.” This relentless love, and grace, is at the heart of forgiveness.

Moreover, Jesus underscores the necessity of forgiveness in Luke 17:3-4: “So watch yourselves. If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.” This passage highlights the radical nature of true forgiveness, urging us to repeatedly extend grace to those who wrong us.

Absolute Truth #2: Forgiveness starts within our heart

Forgiveness is a journey of the heart — a conscious decision to let go of anger and resentment. As humans, we often cling to hurts long past their expiration. Usually, the person who wronged us doesn't even know they did something to hurt or offend us. Still, we can easily carry malice in our hearts, hiding the anger behind our smiles. It’s so important to learn to ask the Lord to examine our hearts and help us not become bitter against those who wronged us.

Absolute Truth #3: Jesus is our standard for forgiveness

Jesus commands us to forgive others as our Heavenly Father forgives us. We must completely, graciously, and consciously choose to forgive others because it’s God’s way. If Jesus forgave the unworthy, so should we. We find an excellent example of this in Matthew 18:32-35, "Then the master called the servant in. “You wicked servant" he said, "I canceled all your debt because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” In anger, his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured until he paid back all he owed. "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Remember that forgiving others doesn’t mean that you are a door mat so others can just walk over you. God doesn’t expect that for any of us. While he expects you to forgive, He also has given you practical wisdom and the Holy Spirit to know when someone is not safe and to stay clear.

Here are five additional takeaways that will help you to forgive others while learning to protect your heart.

1. Forgiveness is based on our actions and not the actions of others.

2. Forgiveness and reconciliation with others are the antidote for any hurt.

3. Forgiving and reconciling with someone who wronged you doesn’t mean you excuse their behavior. For example, abusers will never be safe, so by all means, protect yourself.

4. If someone has offended you, you have the right to establish the timetable for forgiveness and the consequences the wrongdoer will receive for their actions.

5. You will never forgive someone more than God forgave you.

Forgiveness is a process and not an event, a journey that is often fraught with doubt, frustration, obstacles, and setbacks. No matter what, choosing to obey God and forgive others is worth undertaking in the long run. As we heed the Bible’s Absolute Truths surrounding forgiveness in the scriptures, we can experience God’s complete love for us and the peace that Jesus promises us, no matter how stormy the weather.

Click below to watch Pastor Rhedrick's sermon titled, To Forgive Or Not To Forgive.